Summer Sucks Indeed
by Kyle Broflovski Fan
Summary: Kyle, Kenny and Cartman predict that this is going to be a very crappy summer. It's summer after 4th grade. Rated T for language.
1. A ruined summer

First South Park story ever! I hope it doesnt suck so hard :P

Reviews will be very much appreciated, please tell me if im making any spelling or grammar mistakes, and please be nice about it

So here's the story

enjoy!

**A ruined summer**:

"I'm very sorry Mrs. Cartman" Principal Victoria says calmly "We can't possibly allow Eric to enter 5th year with such poor grades on maths and history"

_Fuck!_ This cant be happening! It's fucking mid July, with an unbearably hot weather, but am I enjoying my sweet vacations that I so well deserve? NO! They are completely ruined as far as I can see! I'm sitting on a chair next to mum in Principal Victoria's office cause, _apparently_, I've failed the math and history tests, as if anyone even give a fricking crap about those. But Principal Victoria has to make a huge deal out of every tiny detail, she's sitting behind her desk looking 'oh so very serious' and Mr. Garrison is standing right behind her with his classic exhasperated look, probably all for making me repeat the year, that sick fuck.

"Of course he got horrible grades!" Mr. Garrison speaks up loudly "He never pays any attention in class, he keeps annoying me and the rest of the students, and never does any work at all! I'm seriously amazed that he even managed to approve the rest of his subjects" I glare hard at Garrison. That _son of a bitch_! I bet he is loving every second of this!

Mum, of course, is already crying "What am I supposed to do?" She asks as she blows her nose in a tissue "I ask him to study all the time, I tell him to do his homework, but he just wont listen" She sobs loudly into her hands.

"It's not my fault, mum!" I complain loudly "Mr. Garrison _hates_ me! He's always had it for me and he is using his power as a teacher to make my life miserable, can't you see?"

Garrison lets out a loud sarcastic laughter "As if I even have to _try_ to make you get bad grades, you do that on your own, Eric, being the lazy ass you always are"

"Ey!" I yell in protest.

"Eric! Mr. Garrison! That is enough, both of you!" Principal Victoria interrupts angrily "This is a very serious matter, Eric! If you dont approve these subjects you _will_ repeat 4th year"

_No way_. I feel the panic rising up. I can't repeat 4th year! The guys will never let me live it down! "You can't make repeat a year! I'm only a little kid! It's the school's fault for being so damn demanding!" I can hear my voice getting whiny already, it never fails to make mum give me anything I ask for.

"Oh, _please_!" Garrison rolls his eyes "That's the best excuse you can come up with? You hardly have to do anything all year! Just fucking pay attention in my classes!!" I swear I'm gonna kill him someday.

"Enough!" Principal Victoria is already loosing her cool. Sweet.

"Please" I suddenly hear the sobbing voice of my mum "Please, Principal, tell me what we can do on this situation. How can we avoid repeating a year?" She asks desperately. Heh, I can see where I get my acting skills from.

The Principal sighs heavily "I guess we can let him take the tests again on August. But only if we can make sure that he will study hard for them" ...What?

"Really?" Mum looks up hopefully "He will! I will make sure that he will study hard all summer!" ..._What?!_

"What?!" I finally speak up and look up at mum. Clearly, she's delirious right now "But _muuum_, it's summer vacations! I don't wanna waste them by studying these stupid subjects!"

"But boopsiekins, if you don't study you will have to repeat 4th year" Mum uses her pleading voice.

"Goddammit, why is it so important that I aprove these subjects? Who cares about them anyway, huh?" I ask, already getting very annoyed.

"It's your choice, Eric" The Principal states with her 'oh very serious' look "Either you commit yourself to study and we give you a second opportunity on August, or you can start 4th year again on September"

I glare at her for a moment thinking about it. She looks determined, there's no way out of this, she _will_ make repeat the year. _Fuck_! I finally reply though gritted teeth "Fine" I say spitefully "I'll study the stupid subjects" They are all obviously in this together to make me suffer, as usual! Goddamn, they suck ass!

"Good, but we will have to make sure that you really study hard" Principal Victoria tells me nodding her head.

"Oh, I will make sure that he does!" Mum says positively.

But the Principal's look is very sceptical, this is not looking good "I think Eric will need more help than that Mrs Cartman, he will need a private tutor in both subjects, someone who knows their contents well" _That bitch_!

"What?!" I yell, offended "That is totally unnecessary, I can study perfectly well on my own!" Damn, can she get anymore nosy?

"I'm afraid I can't trust that Eric" Principal Victoria states "But who could possibly tutor him?" She looks at Mr Garrison. Oh, no!

"No way in hell, no-no-no-no-NO" Mr Garrison says very clearly. Thank _God_! "I'm going away on vacations tomorrow. I will be back by mid August to test this brat but meanwhile I'm going away to enjoy my very well deserved vacations. There is no chance _he_ is ruining them" He glares at me and I glare right back at him.

"Yes, besides it would be unethical to have his own teacher giving him the private lessons" The Principal agrees. Good that we ruled that one out.

"Then who will be teaching my sweetums?" Mum asks sweetly.

Principal Victoria thinks about it for a momment "Well I guess the best option is to ask one of his classmates to tutor him" She says matter of factly "Who are the best students of your class Mr. Garrison?"

"That would be Wendy Testaburger, Kyle Broflovski and Jimmy Vulmer" Mr Garrison responds tiredly. _Aaww!_ That doesn't sound much better than stupid Garrison!

"The Testaburgers have gone to spend their summer in New York, so little Wendy is out of question" The Principal informs us.

"Then Jimmy it is!" I exclaim quickly. There's _no way_ I'm taking private lessons from the Jew. As if my summer isn't sufficiently ruined.

"I'll call the Vulmers this instant, Principal" Mum says and promptly stands up.

"You can use my phone right here, Mrs. Cartman" The Principal offers, pointing at the phone on her desk "And here is the Vulmers' phone number" She takes out a folder and shows her the number.

"Thank you" Mum picks up the phone and dials the number "Hello? Good morning Mrs. Vulmer!" And she proceeds to ask the favour.

I listen to the conversation with little interest. Well, I guess that having Jimmy tutor me is not gonna be so bad after all. Way better than that bitch Wendy or the stupid Jew. But then I hear:

"Oh, really?" Mum sounds dissapointed. _Uh-oh._ That doesn't sound good "Well, thank you, anyway. No, I understand. Yes, it's fine. Thank you, dear. Bye bye!" She hangs up the phone and looks at the Principal worriedly. "I'm afraid that the Vulmers' kid can't do it. He has recently caught the chickepox and is not feeling well at all. He can't possibly do it" I can feel my face going white as I realize what this means. This cannot be happening to me.

"Well then, we'll have to ask the Broflovskis" The Principal opens her folder once again "Here's their ph-"

"NO!" I shout at the top of my voice. I see everyone in the room turning to look at me "I'm _not_ taking lessons from Kyle! NO FUCKING WAY!!"

"But sweetums-" Mum starts soothingly, using her fucking pleading voice again. Not gonna work this time.

"NO! No chance in hell! NO!" I shout very clearly "The stupid Jew will spend the entire summer mocking me for it and will not teach me anything! _God_, I hate him so much!"

"Mr. Cartman, that is no way to talk about your classmate" Principal Victoria tells me sternly "And may I remind you that you have no other option under the circumstances" How could I have missed how much of a bitch she is before today?

"You don't get it! This is just as bad as having to repeat the year!" I whine, hoping it will work better now.

"Well, maybe this will finally teach you a lesson so you can avoid being a total pain in the ass and actually pay attention on your classes next year!" Garrison exclaims irritatedly. And then smirks and adds in a very low voice "_If_ there is a next year" I glare at him again, trying very very hard not to give him the finger.

"Eric, this is final" The Principal declares "You are taking classes from Kyle Broflovski whether you want to or not!"

"It's for the best, boopsiekins" Mum says "This way you can stay with your friends"

"As if I give a damn about those assholes" I murmur angrily, not really caring if they hear or not. I think about it for several minutes. There's no way out of it. I really can't repeat the year. Making up my mind, I say loudly "Ok, fine, you win! I will take classes from the Jew" I smirk "_If_ you get him to agree, that is. I'm sure he will be even less willing to do this than I am"

The Principal is looking worried now. Hehe, sweet. She sighs "Well I guess we wont loose anything trying".


	2. The unpleasant surprise

Hey, second chapter is here! But first,

Emerald's Shine: Thanks for reviewing! I tried to do the whole spelling thing better this chapter, tell me if you see something wrong please :)

Sweet Possum: Thank you for the review! And worry not, this wont be slash. Glad that you are liking it

Now on with the story,

**The unpleasant surprise**:

Stan and his family have just left for California to visit some relatives and are going to stay there for a month. _That_, of course, totally sucks. No Stan for a month and a half. I could tell that he wasn't glad either by his look when he was leaving, he doesn't care for those relatives, he hardly knows them at all.

I can already tell this is going to be one long boring summer. If only _my_ family could go somewhere on vacations too, South Park can get really dull during this season.

And as there was no way I was gonna stay home to put up with mum, who is in a particularly bad mood due to the horrible heat, I promptly packed a bag and am now heading towards Kenny's to spend the day. I really hope Kenny's already up, the lazy ass.

When I get to the very old and tattered house, I walk over to the door and knock on it three times. I wait for five minutes but nobody answers. Great. I knock the door again, louder this time, not giving up. Eventually, someone answers.

Stuart McCormick opons the door. He looks drunk, tired and looks and smells as though he hasn't bathed for several days. This is even greater. "Who are you, boy?" He asks drunkenly.

"I'm Kyle, Mr. McCormick, a friend of Kenny" I explain slowly and clearly, unsure of the man's capacity of understanding in such a state "Is Kenny home?"

"Well, of course he's home!" Mr. McCormick responds loudly, his words slurred "It's fr-fricking twelve in 'e morning, where' lse could Kenny be, huh?!" I shrug, not sure how to speak to the unbalanced man "I think he's still sleeping" He then says a bit more calmly.

"Dad, I'm not sleeping, I've been up for two hours!" Kenny's voice comes from the inside of the house, sounding very annoyed. A moment later he gets to the door and pushes his father aside "Oh, hey dude, what's up?"

Kenny's dad says something unintelligible and goes back inside the house. "Hey Kenny" I smile cheerfully at him "Nothing much is up, I just said goodbye to Stan before he took off and really didn't want to go home, my mum's being all bitchy lately" I see Kenny's grin and quickly add "More than usual, that is" I joke "What were you up to, anyway?"

"Not much either, just teaching my little sis' how to play cards" Kenny says "Let's get inside dude, I swear it's hotter out here than indoors" We both get inside the house and Kenny leads the way to his room.

Kenny's room has always been very small like the rest of his house and his walls are covered with posters, mostly of women with little clothes and huge breasts, and the only window in the room is shattered. Sitting on Kenny's messy bed is Karen, his little sister. She is trying to shuffle the cards, but is just managing to send them all flying. I smile, suddenly reminded of Ike.

"Hey Karen" I smile at the little girl "I'm Kyle"

"Hi" She answers shyly.

"Karen, I'll teach you another day" Kenny tells his sister as he picks up the cards from the floor "Mum was calling you downstairs, go see what she wants" He lies, trying to get rid of her

"Ok" She jumps down from the bed and makes it for the door "Bye Kyle!" She waves to me and takes off running.

"She likes you" Kenny chuckles. After leaving the cards on his nightstand, he throws himself on his bed and pats on the end of the bed with his foot indicating me to sit down.

I do so and look at Kenny "So how's the summer going, dude?" I ask casually.

"Fine, nothing new" He answers trying to sound just as casual. It would be believable too if not for the yelling that is suddenly heard from the next room.

Who I can only assume is Kenny's mother starts shouting "Can't you do a fucking thing properly?! I ask you one small favour, to go buy a bit of bread, and you can't even do that?!"

To which Kenny's father answers "Quit bitching you fucking bitch, I said I was going already!"

"Do you ALWAYS have to leave EVERYTHING for the last minute?!" Comes the even louder retort "Are you _that_ completely useless?! It's almost lunch time now!!" Then there is a loud slam of a door and heavy footsteps make their way out of the house.

Kenny must have noticed my worried look, because repeats more clearly "_Nothing_ new"

My concerns don't go away at all. I know his dad is gonna come back soon and the yelling will start again "Hey, wanna go have lunch at Raisins?" I propose, knowing how much Kenny likes that place "My treat" I add quickly, also knowing he doesn't go there that often cause he usually can't afford it.

I can tell that Kenny is about to turn down the offer, probably not liking the idea of a friend paying for his meals like that, when we hear yet more shouting from outside his room, now between his mum and his brother. He sighs and says "Fine, I can't stand this hellhole anymore"

We get out of the house quickly and start walking to Raisins. After a long uncomfortable silence that lasts for about two blocks, Kenny suddenly speaks up "It's not usually that bad, you know" He clears his throat "My dad was 'let go' from his last job just yesterday, so mum is all pissed off right now"

"Oh" Is all I can think of, but after a moment I ask "Do you know why he was 'let go'?"

Kenny frowns "Probably because he's a stupid drunk"

We fall silent again after that. I really don't know what to say. Kenny _never_ talks about what goes on in his house, it's one of the main reasons why he never invites us over, and when stuff like this happen he always gets very uncomfortable, so nobody brings it up in any conversation.

Finally, after a painfully silent walk, we get to Raisins. It's not as crowded as it always is at night, but still pretty full. We run into Butters, Tweek and Timmy and join their table.

"Oh hey fellas!" Butters greets cheerfully.

"Hey Butters" I sat down next to Kenny "Hey dudes" I say also to Tweek and Timmy.

"ARGH!" and "Timmyyy!" Are the responses I get.

Soon enough, a Raisins' girl approaches our table "Hi boys, I'm Porsche, how are you cuties doing today?"

"Great now, and you, pretty girl?" Kenny smiles at her, obviously in a better mood now, I'm glad to notice.

"Much better now that you guys are here, most of the boys who come are so boring, but you boys seem to be a lot of fun" She gives Kenny a wink, making him smile and stare stupidly at her small breasts. I prevent myself from rolling my eyes at the evidently very well rehearsed lines and moves.

"Can I take your order?" Porsche smiles at the rest of us as well. After we all order our meals, she says "Be right back sweeties", as she places her hand briefly on Kenny's knee and then leaves.

"Dude, I swear this is what heaven must be like!" Kenny grins enthusiastically. I laugh out loud, no wonder Kenny loves this place so much.

"So how are you all enjoying your summer?" Butters asks happily.

I shrug indifferently, it has been no wonder so far. Kenny answers "Definitely improving right now" He says still with the grin on his face.

"I think my parents are plotting my death!" Tweek starts twitching really bad "They want my blood! My blood!"

"...Interesting" I now do roll my eyes and turn to look at Butters instead "Weren't you grounded, Butters? You were definitely grounded last week"

"Well, yeah, I sure was, but I just got out of it today"

"So you came here to celebrate your freedom, right?" Kenny winks "Nice move"

I laugh again "Dude, you're sounding like you haven't seen pretty girls for ages"

"I haven't actually, I've been kind of bussy lately" Kenny admits.

"Bussy? On summer? Doing what?" I ask perplexed.

"Oh, eh, just stuff, you know" Kenny answers evasively. Right then, Porsche comes back with our order, interrupting my line of thought about what Kenny just said so I decide to leave the subject for later. We all eat our meal pretty quickly and soon we are leaving the place.

"Bye bye, cuties! Come back soon!" Porsche waves at us as we take off.

We decide to go to the movies and end up paying a homeless yet again to watch an R- rated one called "Sex and females" upon Kenny's insistance. Kenny iss in heaven yet again, Butters looks as though his eyes are going to come out of their sockets any second now, Timmy looks happy enough and Tweek is a bit more nervous than usual, God fobid, probably fearing that he might be caught watching such a movie. I wish I could say I'm enjoying the movie just as much as the rest, but actually am kind of bored at the lack of plot. Seriously, we are people with functioning brains here.

"Dude, best movie ever!" Kenny jumps happily as they exited the movies.

"Yeah!" Butters agrees.

"TIMMYYY!"

"We are sooo gonna get caught for that!" Tweek looks around nervously "Urgh!"

"Well fellas, it's been really nice hanging out with you, but I should really get going back, my parents wont be happy if I'm not back home soon" Butters tells us.

"Timmeh" Timmy seems to agree with Butters and Tweek nods too. Kenny and I say bye to the guys as they leave and start walking to nowhere in particular.

"Hey, did you like the movie?" Kenny asks me, having apparently noticed the lack of comment on my part.

"Meh" I shrug "The women were hot but the plot was the lamest thing ever. I got bored with it, to be honest" I admit.

"I noticed" Kenny chuckles "That was the point though, big tits and no plot, dude"

"Sorry, not my thing" I answer simply.

"Man, you are so weird" Kenny laughes.

"Up yours" I flip him off jokingly.

After some more walking, Kenny asks "So what do you wanna do now? I don't feel like going back home just yet"

I nod, understanding "Wanna come to my place? Hopefully mum wont be as bitchy now that it's not as hot as before" I suggest.

"'K" We start walking slowly to my house and Kenny asks "Hey have you seen Cartman lately?"

"Why would I see fatass more than strictly necessary?" I snort.

"Yeah, I haven't seen him since the start of the summer either"

"Works wonders for me" I state with a nod and Kenny laughs. We reach my house, I search quickly for the keys in the front pocket of my bag and open the front door. We enter the house and I shout "Hey, I'm home!"

I briskly lead the way to the dining room, Kenny right behind me, where they are _very_ surprised to find my parents, Principal Victoria, Mrs. Cartman and Eric Cartman, all sitting down on the chairs around the table. They look as though they have been waiting for us for a while now. I can feel Kenny looking sideways at me, to question me probably, but I guess my face clearly reveals that I don't have any more of a clue of what this was all about than he does.

"Hi Bubbeh" Mum greets me in good spirits. Well, at least that means I'm not in any kind of trouble. That's good "We were all waiting for you. And hi Kenny, we didn't know you were coming. Why don't you two have a seat?" She points at the chairs at the end of the table. We take our seats reluctantly, this is all very weird and creepy.

I finally leave my surprised expression and frown once I'm already seated "What's going on here?"

"Kyle, we are here to ask you a favour" Principal Victoria starts explaining as everyone in the room stares at me, making me feel a bit self-conscious "See Eric here" She points at Cartman "has a small problem"

I snort at that phrase, _Cartman_ has a _small_ problem? That's funny dude "What are you talking about?" I ask intrigued.

"Well he failed his Math and History end-of-year exams" The Principal said matter of factly, making Cartman, who had been very silent so far, turn red.

Wow, now that's a real shocker "So? What does that have to do with me?" I look at Cartman questioningly, but the fatass is avoiding his gaze at all cost.

"Well the thing is, we have decided to give him a second opportunity to do the tests, so he doesn't have to repeat 4th year" Principal Victoria continues. She pauses and then says "But he obviously can't study on his own, he needs someone who can really teach him the subjects and help him study" She lookes at me pointedly.

Ok, I'm starting to feel dizzy. I can clearly see where this is going and it's not cool at all. _'Oh no, oh no, oh no' _My head keeps repeating over and over. The Principal finally says "Kyle, would you be so kind to give private classes to Eric and help him approve his tests?"

I can feel my face going very white, my mouth opening slightly and my eyes opening widely, huge as plates. I can distantly hear Kenny's merry voice saying "Well, this should be interesting!"


	3. The agreement

Here's the third chapter! Reviews of any kind will be appreciated.

**The agreement:**

This _can't _be happening. It really can't. As this line of thought repeats itself in my head, it takes me a while to be able to say anything, but I finally manage to answer "What?! No! Why me? Isn't there anyone else who can teach the fatass?"

"Ay! Don't call me fat, you stupid Jew!"

"Boys!" The Principal interrupts angrily "That is not appropriate behaviour" Then she turns to face me "You are the best option we have, Kyle, so we hope very much that you accept"

I glare at no one in particular "No way, dude, I can't stand him" I point to Cartman, who glares right back at me "I'm not letting him ruin my summer"

"Come on, Kyle" Dad says appeasably "You don't mean that"

"No, I really really do" I assure him earnestly "We haven't been friends for ages now"

"But don't you two hang out together all the time?" Mum asks me puzzled. Goddammit.

"...Yeah" I answer reluctantly.

"But why?" Dad insists, looking as confused as mum.

"Because I'm a retard, of course" I mutter angrily. Kenny snorts. Seriously, how do you explain my relationship with Cartman? It's the most fucked up thing in the world.

"Very true" Cartman nods.

My glare directs itself to Cartman with determination "Sorry, but no, I'm not doing it"

"Aw, come on, Kyle, it wont be that bad" Kenny speaks up to my bewilderment, why on earth does he care whether or not I teach Cartman?

"Are you kidding me?" I say through gritted teeth, looking ready to kill him. He is certainly not helping the situation.

"Kyle, I don't think you understand the situation" Principal Victoria says seriously "If Eric doesn't approve these tests he will have to repeat 4th year"

"So?" I can feel the impulse to laugh growing on me "It isn't as though he doesn't deserve it"

"I swear to God, I'm going kick your dumb jew ass if you don't shut your mouth!" Cartman yells at me, standing up from his chair.

"Oh, _please_, I would love to see you try" I retort confidently, also getting up from my chair. What the fuck does the fatty think he can do to me?

"Boys! Sit down!" Mum ordered angrily. Damn. We both do so reluctantly, still glaring hard at each other.

"Well" The Principal sighs heavily "I can clearly see that this wont work out, so we-"

"No!" Mrs. Cartman suddenly speaks up for the first time since I got home, her eyes filled with tears. We all turn to look at her, surprised. She stands up and walks over to where I'm sitting "Please, you have to help little Eric!"

Oh, please, no "Oh, er..." I'm getting very uncomfortable now, having the woman crying right in front of me "I don't know..."

"_Please!" _Mrs. Cartman begs "I'll pay you twenty dollars per class!"

"You _what_?!" I exclaim, quickly followed by the "_What_?!" of Kenny and Cartman.

"Mum! Don't offer to pay the Jew, we don't need him!" I can feel my parents mimicking my actions as I turn to glare once more. Cartman shuts his mouth at this.

"You would really do that?" I turn my gaze at Mrs. Cartman, it's really a lot of money for a kid.

"Yes, I'll pay you twenty dollars at the end of every class, how does that sound?" Mrs. Cartman nods eagerly.

I'm still doubtfull about this, but then Kenny tells me "Dude! You have to accept now! Twenty dollars per class, that would be awesome!"

"It really would be" I agree with a nod "But it's _Cartman_" I insist, since he obviously is not getting that concept here. Cartman flips me off and the adults glare at him.

"So what?! It still is twenty dollars a class!" Kenny looks at me as though I'm crazy for not accepting readily, but of course, Cartman isn't that much of an ass to him as he is to me. At least not lately.,

I sigh heavily "Ok" I finally agreed, not feeling happy at all with my decision though "Fine, I'll do it"

"Oh, thank you! Thank you so much!" Mrs. Cartman smiles gratefully at me. Mum and dad smile at me approvingly. I guess there's no way out of this now.

"Excellent" Principal Victoria smiles "I really have to go now, so I'll leave you all to arrange your timetable" She gets up from her chair and so does mum to open the door for her "Goodbye everyone and good luck boys!" Everyone says goodbye back as she leaves.

"So what time of the week is good for teaching my boopsiekins?" Mrs. Cartman asks me, making Kenny and I laugh at the stupid name.

"_God_, I hate you guys" Cartman growls embarrassed. Finally something positive coming out of this awful evening

"Erm, I don't know" I answer as soon as I'm done laughing "Only not on Saturday and Sunday mornings, I have basketball practice" I'm so not missing those.

"Mrs. Victoria said it would be best if we did two classes for each subject every week" Mrs. Cartman informs me.

"_Four_ days a week?" I'm already regretting this "Goddammit"

"Just think of how much money that will be!" Kenny reminds me happily. I swear I'm gonna hit him hard any moment now.

I sigh heavily again "Ok, Mondays and Thursdays we do maths and Tuesdays and Fridays we do history. How does that sound, fat boy?"

"Suck my balls" He whispers so that only I hear it and then says loudly "Fiiine, it's going to suck no matter what day of the week it is"

"Yes, we are clearly on the same page here" I roll my eyes.

"Excellent!" Mrs. Cartman says cheerfully "So we can start tomorrow. We should be getting back home now sweetums, it's getting late already" Heh, again with the stupid names. I smirk at the fatass, who looks embarrassed again.

"Finally!" He shouts, getting up from his chair and running to the door in an instant. As fast as an instant can be for a fatass, that is.

"Thanks a lot for your help" Mrs. Cartman tells us all in general as mum leads her to the front door where Cartman is waiting impatiently "It is very muchly appreaciated"

"Mum! Let's go already!" Cartman shouts, making Kenny laugh and I roll his eyes yet again in exhasperation. They all say their goodbyes and the Cartmans finally leave the house.

"What a rude boy!" Mum says dissaprovingly "I never noticed that" No wonder there, I don't bring Cartman here oftenly for very obvious reasons

"You don't know half of it" I assure her, feeling quite drained from the whole evening, as my parents leave the living room to prepare for dinner.

"Yeah dude, I don't envy you at all" Kenny snorts.

"Hey! You are the one who convinced me to agree!"

"I know! This is going to be really funny" Kenny answers with a happy laugh. I punch his arm, annoyed at him "Auch! Ok, ok, I'm sorry. But still dude, they are paying you, at least you'll be getting something out of it. How much money will you be making?"

"320 dollars" I calculate. Wow, that sounds sweet indeed "Yeah, I guess it's worth it"

"Totally!" Kenny agrees "Well, I'm going home now, it's getting late" I open the door for him. Kenny must have noticed my still unsure look with the decision I just made, because he speaks up again.

"Come on dude, it wont be that bad" He assures me. Yeah right "Besides, I know that Cartman is a total douche and all, but I really wouldn't be able to stand the pathetic sight of him repeating a school year so early in his life" Haha, true. I smile at that.

Kenny pauses, unsure, and then adds "I know you're a good guy, prove that you're not a douche like he is and help him out, even when he's not asking"

I think about this "Yeah, you're right" I nod. Damn he's right, even if I hate it, if I don't do it, I will be no better than the fatass "Besides, there's the money" I smirk

"Exactly" Kenny pats my shoulder with his own grin and turns around to leave "Sweet, sweet money"


	4. The first lesson

Hey, sorry for the late update, stupid college responsabilities get in the way

First of all, I have changed the first three chapters a bit to a way that i like them more and think it makes them more interesting, nothing big has changed so for those who have already read them there is no need to reread them

Second, I will definitely finish this, but college will get in the way again, I'm sure, so dont worry if it takes me some time to update, it doesnt mean im giving up on the story

And lastly, i would seriously love some reviews, i wont even mind that much if they are bad reviews, im a big girl, i can take them, and constructive criticism will always be welcome

ok then, on with the story

**The first lesson:**

It's 9 am on a Monday morning during my precious summer vacations and what better place to be right now than in front of fatass's house about to have our first private class? Why on earth did I agree for it to be on this ungodly hour again? And why the hell on _his_ house? Oh, yeah, I remember that one, I really don't want to subject my family to his narrow and racist mind. We would never hear the end of it with my dear mother.

I finally gather the courage to ring the bell of hell. I strongly fight the voice in my head screaming 'BAIL! BAIIIIIL!' and wait not so patiently for the door to be answered.

As usual, it's Cartman's mum who opens the door "Oh, hello, Kyle!" She greets merrily and opens the door for me to enter "Right on time, my sweetums is waiting upstairs in his room" I smirk at the stupid name as I follow her to Cartman's room.

"Eric" She knocks the door and opens it "Your friend is here to begin the class. Oh" We find Cartman practically passed out in his bed. He has a his regular red jacket on but instead of his everyday pants, he's still wearing his PJ's. Apparently, the fatass fell asleep while changing, that stupid asshole.

His mum approaches the bed and gently shakes him "Wake up, Eric" She says softly "Kyle is here" She only gets a grunt out of him. God dammit, what a waste of time.

"That's ok Mrs. Cartman" I tell her "I'll handle it from here"

"Oh, ok then" She smiles at me "I'll make you both some toasts and tea" She leaves the room.

Once she's out of sight, I near the bed and kick the fatass in the side "ARGH!" He wakes up and falls from the bed on his ass. He looks confused at first, but then spots me and yells "What the fuck, Jew?!" He gets up slowly.

"We have the stupid class fatass" I retort angrily "Remember?"

"Aw, fuck" He seems to have forgotten, the idiot "Why, God, _why_ so early?" He complains.

"So you don't ruin that much of my day, fatboy" I explain as I sit down on the chair at his desk.

He growls annoyed as he places another chair next to mine and sits down heavily "Ok, Jew, where do we start the nightmare?"

"Show me the class notes you have of the year, I don't care how lame they are, I just wanna see if you have actually grasped anything at all this year"

"Class notes?" He snorts "I don't do that shit, Kahl, I have a life"

"You don't have _any_ notes? In a whole year you have no notes at all?" I say exhasperatedly.

"No, Kahl, I don't. See unlike you, I'm not a nerd" He sneers.

"Shut the fuck up" Damn this sucks ass "And what is that supposed to mean anyway? Stan and Kenny take some notes too. They are so nerd, now aren't they?"

"Yes! You're all a bunch of nerdos with no life!"

"Says the dude making up for his shitty grades during the summer in fucking fourth year" I mutter angrily. Before he can aswer that I continue "Never mind, I brought mine" I take my math folder out of my bag.

"Dude!" His eyes widen "That's only math?!" He points at my folder.

"Yes, Cartman, this is only math" I say through gritted teeth "Reason why I don't do bad at school"

"Fucking nerdo" He says in a low voice, but loud enough so he's sure that I hear it. Chances are I will commit murder before the summer is over with.

"Ok, Cartman" I breath deeply to calm myself "Do you remember anything of the multiplication tables?"

"Not a thing" He answers bluntly.

"Brilliant" I nod "What's three times four?" Silence "Two times five?" More silence "Fantastic" I sigh.

"Isn't it?" Cartman nods.

"No, seriously, how ever do you live with you retardedness?" I say pleasantly.

"As long as I'm no filthy Jew or tree-hugging hippy, life is good enough" He states. I roll my eyes.

"Oh yes, life seems to be working wonders for you" I go through my notes until I find the page with all the tables written one by one. I hand the page over to Cartman "Here fatass. You have to learn all these for Thursday"

"Thursday?!"

"Yes! Thursday!" God dammit, what a lame ass! "Ok, what about fractions? You remember what those are about?"

"Maybe" He says uncertainly "What were those again?"

I close my eyes and take a deep breath "One fourth? Three fifths?"

"Oh, yeah those, I remember something about them" He nods.

"Good" I open my eyes again and turn the page in my folder to a blank page and write down a three fourth "Can you tell me which is the denominator?"

"The _what_?"

Twenty dollars a class, twenty dollars a class, twenty dollars a class. I focus on that thought to fight the urge to punch the retard facing me right now "Fractions consist of two numbers. The top number is called the 'numerator'. The bottom number is called the 'denominator'" I explain as slowly and patiently as I can.

"Uh huh" He seems to be following me for now.

"Now addition and subtraction is quite simple in fractions when we have the same denominator. The number on the bottom that is" I remind him when I see him looking puzzled "You only have to add or substract the numbers on the top, the numerators, and leave the number on the bottom just as they are"

"Why do you keep calling them like that?" Cartman asks sounding annoyed "Numerators and nominators, or whatever they are called, it's just making everything more complicated!"

"Because that's what they are called Cartman!" I reply loudly "And they might use that vocabulary on the test and if you don't know what those words mean then you'll be screwed up!"

"But it's stupid and confusing!" He pounds his fist on the desk, making my pencil fall off it.

"No! _You_ are stupid and that's why it's confusing to _you_!" I bend over to look for my pencil.

"Goddammit, stop treating me like an idiot, you fucking Jew!" He yells in anger.

"Why not? It's exactly what you are, an idiot for having to make up for this stupid shit during the summer!" I find the damn pencil and get back up again to throw Cartman a dirty look.

"It's not my fault, you damn hippie! Mr. Garrison is the one who-!" There's a knock on the door that interrupts us and Mrs. Cartman comes in looking worried.

"Um, I have breakfast ready" She is indeed carrying a tray with toasts and tea "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, sorry, Mrs. Cartman, we were just having a little argument" I explain quickly "It's nothing" Cartman glowers at me in obvious disagreement.

"Oh, ok then" She leaves the tray on the desk next to my folder "Call me if you need anything, please"

"Yes, thank you, Mrs. Cartman" She smiles and leaves the room, closing the door behind her.

"I can't have any more classes from you, Jew" Cartman states with determination while he takes a bite from his toast "I can't tolerate it"

I stare at him for a moment in which I wonder a bit more at his stupidity "Oh, yeah? Then what are you gonna do about this tests? Or are you accepting the idea that you are gonna have to be held back a year?"

"No!" He fumes "I'm gonna study on my own, thank you"

"Oh, right, with all of your vast knowledge and capacity in studying, your dedication to school and your commitment to anything that requires any kind of effort, is that correct?" I give him a smile full of sarcasm.

"Yes!" He seethes.

"Cartman" I now say in all seriousness "You have to trust me, you wont be able to do this on your own, you really wont. And..." I pause to think about what I'm about to say. It's kind of risky to say it, but I can't possibly get him to to believe me in any other way. So I take a deep breath and say "And no, I'm not saying you wont be able to do it on your own because you are stupid" I look at him intently, trying to convey my sincerity with my gaze. He looks back just as hard, completely silent "I hate saying this, and listen closely because I'm not repeating myself and will deny ever having said this from now on in any future" I grip my pencil "I don't think you are that stupid"

He opens his mouth to rave and prove my point wrong, I'm sure, but I continue before he can say anything "I don't think it's stupidity that has you in this situation" I say calmly "It's even worse than that, as a matter of fact" I nod at his puzzled look "It is complete and absolute lazyness and lameness that you suffer from, Cartman"

"Shut the fuck up, Kyle" He utters in a very low, very menacing voice.

"No, Cartman" I press on "Someone has to tell you this. I'm telling you now what you will realize anyway in more or less ten years from now on your own if you continue being this way. But by then the chances to change will be practically non existent" I finally take my tea and drink "What you have is both better and worse than stupidity. Better because it is treatable. You don't have to be lazy and lame forever, you can change and become someone who is actually worthy. But it is worse because it depends on you. If you were stupid you wouldn't be able to do anything about it, you can't aquire that, it would take all responsability out of you"

"So what you are saying is that if I was stupid it wouldn't be my fault, but being 'lame and lazy', like you say, is all my fault?" Cartman asks just as calmly as me, but I can see the rage in his eyes.

"Yes" I confirm "There are other factors too, I'm sure, but it's mostly your fault"

"Do you know how badly I wanna kick your ass right now?"

"I can imagine" I smile completey undisturbed "So the thing is, it is only up to you to change this situation. No one else can make you stop being lazy and lame. Not even grounding you for months. There's no forcing that" He tries to speak up again but once again I interrupt because I already know what he's thinking "Yes, I know, if this is the case then why the hell can't you study on your own, correct?" He grunts in resentful agreement "Well, I'm afraid that such isn't the case for you. Your lazyness and lameness is way too advanced to get out of them on your own. You need help. A lot. You're never gonna manage it without some imposed discipline and coercion"

"This is fucking BULLSHIT!!" Cartman finally explodes, getting up from his chair, making it fall over in the process "Just because you are using all big words doesn't mean that you are right! I can do it all on my own!"

"No" I say loudly and clearly, looking at him in the eye "You can't. And you know it perfectly well, if only because you know that it is of no benefit for me to lie to you in this situation, since we both know 20 dollars a class is nowhere near enough money for me to actually want to be subjected to this torture"

He breathes heavily, his anger still there but slowly fading "So why the fuck are you here, you filthy Jew?" He whispers.

I snort "Because I'm the retard here, as usual. Because fucking God up there doesn't even know why, but I care. If I just walk away right now, if I give up so fast just because you are being the asshole you are every fucking day of the year and not appreciating what we all are doing in here for you and your worthless existence, I will feel guilty later. I know it. I'm just dumb like that. It wont be the right thing to do, I will have to watch your pitiful self repeating a silly school year and it will kill me. I have to help you now. If only for the memory of the time we were friend-_ly_"

"God, you are such a fag" Cartman mutters in thought. He seems to be taking in everything I said.

"And you are such a douche" I retort readily. He flips me off almost automatically.

After what felt like an eternity, he makes up his mind "Fine, god dammit, fine! If we have to do this, then let's fucking do it already" He sits back down, resigned.

"That's the spirit" I say in mocking optmism.

"I hate you _so_ much"

"No more than I hate you, fatass"

--

**If I could get some reviews I would be soooooo happy :D**


	5. A complete mess

Yeah, I know, I suck for not updating in ages, blame college, it takes over my fucking life lol

Anyways, enjoy!!!

**A complete mess:**

"Aw, come on, it can't be that bad" I laugh.

"No, dude, I swear it so is" Kyle insists "The stupid asshole doesn't know a fucking thing. I left him my notes to learn the multiplication tables up to ten by hard, but I doubt he will do it"

"And how about history?" I ask amused.

"Don't even get me started" He answers darkly. I laugh "Shut the fuck up, Kenny, it's not funny! I don't know if we can do this, even if both me and the fatass do our best"

"Don't stress yourself so much, dude" I tell him reasonably "I'm sure you can do it. Not saying it's gonna be easy, but you'll manage just fine. And don't worry about Cartman, he will try hard too, he really doesn't want to repeat the year. I called him last night and he said he couldn't talk much cause he _had to study_" I stress these words "You heard me? He didn't want to talk cause he _had to study_. It was so creepy, Cartman worrying about studying. I don't know what you did or said to him, but it's working"

Kyle smiles in obvious satisfaction "Just a little persuasion. I'm glad to hear he's trying to do something, but it's still gonna be really hard"

"Yep" I agree "It's gonna require some hard work, man. And a whole lot of patience"

"Ugh" He puts his head in his hand and grasps his hair in frustration "I'm not good in that department, specially with Cartman"

"Yeah, I know"

"This is giving me a headache"

"Then let's drop the subject. It's your free day after all, you should be enjoying it"

Indeed it's Wendnesday afternoon, the only week day Kyle doesn't have classes with Cartman. It's only been two days and already he looks ready to commit suicide. Or murder rather. Can't blame him really, Cartman has always been a jerk to Kyle, more so than to anyone else and that's saying a lot.

So after having some hot dogs for lunch we decided to go to throw rocks at cars and here we are "Hey, have you talked to Stan already?" I ask him, absentmindedly throwing a rock at a truck going by. That earns me a loud horning.

"No, not yet, he told me he would be bussy the first couple of days. I'm gonna see if I catch him on messenger tonight" Kyle picks up a rock and throws it hard at a Mercedes going a bit above the speed limit. It hits the driver's window.

The driver lowers the window and yells "You little fuckers!" But, fortunately, keeps on driving.

We laugh out loud at this "Nice aim" I say, still laughing. After annoying a couple more drivers, we start walking back to my place "You sure you wanna come home? The retards might be fighting again" I roll my eyes.

"Dude, everything is better than having to put up with my mum these days" Kyle says with a hint of frustration in his voice "I swear that it's nearing the point where I will rather hang out at Cartman's than back at home"

"Dude, that sounds seriously fucked up" I laugh.

"Yeah" He nods "Yeah it is and I'm totally bluffing of course. But seriously, she wants me to spend all August _studying_ so I get an early start on fifth grade! She's gonna fucking ruin of my summer! As if Cartman isn't doing that already!"

I laugh even louder "I swear I don't know how to put up with her. Can't believe she wants you to be even nerder than you already are!" That earns me a hard shove that almost makes me fall. I shove him back and then sober up "Still, it's no better at my place. Plenty of yelling and name calling. My brother is unbearable" I pause a second and add "He's on drugs. Mum found then on his drawer"

"Really?" Kyle asks looking concerned "What did your parents do?"

"Pft, dad can't care less, I'm sure" I laugh again, but this time it's more forced and I think he notices "He does them himself, after all. That and all the alcohol kind of make it hard for him to know what the fuck is going on at the house. He might as well be living somewhere else for his awareness of the situation"

Kyle is silent. Damn. I said to much. He doesn't need to know this stuff. Then he says "And your mum?"

"She was mad at Kevin, obviously" I answer. Time for subject change "But, dude, it's nothing. They are always like that. They suck. All families suck, right?" I grin at him "Anyway, did you watch Terrance and Phillip last night?" He seems to take the hint and that leaves the subject of my family right behind us, where it should be. We chat happily about the old episodes until we get to my front door.

"I so can't wait for the new episode!" Kyle says excitedly "Why the fuck do they have to take summer breaks? I hate all the waiting"

"Not to take vacations surely, that would be too obvious" I joke "It's only two months"

"Yeah, well they are the worst too months of the year" Kyle declares.

"The two months in the whole year in which you have no school at all, you mean?" I keep on joking while I open the door and get in the house, Kyle right behind me "Damn, you're like the nerdest nerd in all time"

"Are you making fun of my awesomely cool nerdiness?!" Kyle says in a mockingly threatening voice "I'll kick your ass, McCormick" He shoves me again but more lightly this time.

"I would never" I grin as we make our way to the couch facing the TV. We sit donw and I try turning it on, but for some reason it just stays off. I struggle a bit more with the remote before getting frustrated "Damn, it's probably out of bateries" I get up to turn it on with the TV button, but the stupid thing still wont turn on! "Shit!" I turn to Kyle and say frustratedly "This piece of crap must be broken"

"Oooh, sucks. Life with no TV is meaningless" He jokes, obviously trying to lighten up the mood. I snort.

At that moment, Kevin walks in looking tired as hell "Hey, whats up with the TV?" I ask him as he crosses the room to go to the kitchen.

"Don't you know?" He shouts from the kitchen "Dad didn't pay the light bill, we have no light in the house!"

"What?!" I suddenly look around and just notice that there are no lights turned on, the only light coming from the open windows.

"Yeah" Kevin walks back in with a beer in his hand "The fucking dickhead couldn't get the money to pay it this month, so we have no light. Whoopee" He opens the beer and takes a swig.

"Oh, because you are much better, you retarded druggie!" I yell at him in anger. This is so fucking perfect! Like things aren't bad enough around here already!

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, KENNY!" Kevin yells back completely enraged and throws his still full beer at me. I duck just in time and the bottle hits the wall, spilling the beer all around the floor and the wall. I notice that a bit of it hits Kyle in the hat, who's still sitting on the couch looking shocked "And what about you, huh?!" I turn around to see my apparently-already-drunk-from-before brother walking towards me looking very angry "As if you spend every fucking night jerking off to dad's porn magazines! As if you aren't gonna end up just like him!"

I see red. Damn, that fucking _does it_! Blind with rage I punch him hard in the stomach "YOU _SHUT_ UP! You are just screwing us all over and you don't even realize it!" Kevin punches me right back in the shoulder and we start hitting each other everywhere we can reach. It hurts alright but in my anger I can't care less, I just want to get this frustration out of me, so I close my eyes and just punch as hard as I can

I hear some yelling and suddenly I feel a pair of arms grabbing me from behind and pulling me back. I try to free myself but I'm already quite out of energy, so I give up. I open my eyes to see whats going on. Dad has Kevin grabbed by the hair while, trying to calm him down while Kevin struggles, and mum is beside them bellowing something that I can't understand. Nothing makes sense, it's all confusing and loud and I suddenly realize that I'm crying.

The hands grabbing me keep pulling me back until I'm out of the house and far from the yelling, _thank god_. I'm released from the strong grip and I turn around to see Kyle panting. _Shit_. This is just great. Now he's totally freaked out and I'm crying like a little pussy. He looks at me and I look quickly away, face burning. I so don't wanna see the look on his face.

I hear him sigh loudly "Come on, let's go" He starts walking away. Not wanting to use my brain to figure out where we are going, I just follow him in silence.

**SPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSP**

Thanks for reading! Please review ^^


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